it was my niece's (kirsten) 7th birthday. im mean, i didnt get to buy her a gift, because i dont know what she likes! i dont mind getting her something expensive coz its her 7th birthday, so i just want to make sure she likes what shes getting!

i invited shona and joy to come. the three of us who are single loveless. joy cant come, so it was just me and shona. ive been daydreaming about such moment...a family affair like this and my boyfriend comes to help out, play with my nephews and niece. but well, so far no boyfriend entering the gate of our house.

i saw my sister's niece with her boyrfriend. she's younger than me, just a college kid and she has a boyfriend!!!!

i dont know why im so into having a boyfriend. now i am afraid that i might just be after the idea, or i might jump on the first guy that courts me. scary!

i admit im such a daydreamer. so i really imagine things before it could happen. the assuming and expecting person that i am, when the story turns out to be far from what i have imagined, it just bursts my bubble! and its painfully sad. as much as possible i dont want to have a crush on anyone at all! why? just i get to be so into that person and would start to daydream about an ideal situation of us together. thats it! i am "ilusiyonada!" and i hate it. im so idealistic and childish. when i get rejected i get really hurt when actually its all my fault. well, dont get me wrong, i still havent confused which is real from just an imagination. but really, im getting so idealistic it scares me..what happens if the real thing comes, i might reject the guy because he wasnt the one i was dreaming of!!!

sometimes i couldnt help but think that it is so unfair. my sisters' get to have boyfriends during college. while me? i wasnt even courted by anyone during college..nobody even had crush on me (well ok, as far as i know...) its so pathetic. i jsut didnt notice it because i was just too happy with my friends, but now that i reckon everything, where were the guys then? friends ask me now, how come? you studied in lasalle where a lot of cute guys scattered around, where were you?

i dont know. they were there but i just didnt seem to care...either im not their type or they are not just my type. now i think, am i not that pretty enough? geez! i know im not beautiful, beautiful..but i think im okay. then i get dumped by one guy i was crushing on forever...

now i am so scared to be rejected again... guys can be such a bunch of a**h*les!

i still have crushes but im sick of it. i find them cute but can be real jerks. i find someone who is really ok but he is  head over heels in love already with some girl. but the bad thing i want to catch their eye and try to make "pa-cute" oh yuck! so silly but guilty of it.  yet they dont notice, so i ask do i know how to F-L-I-R-T??? so i thought maybe the solution to that is...just dont have a crush on these guys..just dont mind them.

probably thats the problem. im so concerned of what these guys would like...when im supposed to just be me. or they are just blind and shallow which makes them not good enough for me.

i do believe that they will come at the right place and at the right time. but please...people who keep on telling me not to look for love or not to wait for love coz it will just come yadayadayada...just shut up will ya! zip it! im not stupid..i know that..you can lecture me all you want but inside me will be that longing feeling  that would never die until he finally comes. and i will still continue to ask why. if you were in my shoes youd be feeling and asking the same thing.

i guess i will never stop writing about my search for love not until he comes into my life. and all i can do is just wait (ok fine dont wait!) all i can do is go on with my life and when it comes everthing will fall into place.

my prince charming is somewhere out there; just as slow as a turtle on finding his way to me.

I’ve been stuffing myself with chocolates, chips, chocolate chip cookies and ice cream.

SHI*T!

I cant stop my dieting right now.

So here’s the game plan…eat a lot in the morning. If im hungry id better go back to eating sky flakes drinking plenty of water. Eat moderately during lunch and as much as possible eat a fruit as dessert instead of chocolates and cakes. Eat crackers when hungry and still drink water. Now dinnertime is the most crucial. I should be eating almost nothing in the evening, but because of overtime in the office im forced to eat. Sometimes the manager treats us with Andoks chicken or some fast food burgers chicken plus fries.

So okay if it’s a treat, i cant exactly chose what to eat so eat what has been given…well just wobble everything. Now if there are no treats from the office, id go home and eat leafy veggies or fruits or soup…hey can I have a glass of warm milk???

What to eat?

KFC – D’Lite

Jollibbee – creamy macaroni soup

Mcdonalds – hmmm….chicken nuggets

Treat day is Sunday!

Of course even if I starve myself, I wont lose weight if I don’t exercise. I would have wanted to play badminton…but sadly, no time for that. So aerodancing will have to do and lots of crunches!!!!

I pampered myself today.

Went to lets face it and had a facial. I’ve been dying to have a facial since last month. Those yucky whiteheads and blackheads..ugh! and the ZITS…the ZITS kept on resurrecting!

Did a little shopping for the eye, for the hair, for the skin, for the feet and for the stomach!

Ooooh! I cant wait to scrub and wash myself using my purchases.

Most of all, got my eyelashes permed. Okay, bat the eyelashes…c’mon…don’t be shy!

However, im still not happy. I have these warts on my face and one on my neck! And its really disturbingly annoying! I want to have it treated but it would take hours and I cant wash for three days! Three days! I need a vacation for that. there, there…if I find time,then Id do it. but for now…I’ll just do what I can already do.

i could say im very good in researching...

after a few hits on the friendster buttons...voila! i found a handful information about a certain guy. however, im not so much pleased with the results. why?

because i found out that there is such a sweet guy that exist in this world and i dont get to meet someone like him. (probably i havent met him *sigh*)

and why does these hopeless romantic guys get into problematic situations. (maybe thats the reason they become so romantic!)

*groan*